Hi my people of life! (Meaning hello my dearest people!😜) How have you all been? It’s been a minute! Please don’t mind me. Mr.X was out of town, so it was just me with Baby X and Babylette X a.k.a little madam. (Tough, I must tell you.😅)

Did I tell you I am currently taking a course called IMMERSE? It is truly helping me on this journey to rediscovering me. It has been so eye opening, has left me a bit vulnerable, but it has been so much fun, and uplifting too! I look forward to the “ME” that emerges after I am done with this phase in my life.💃🏻😎🙏🏽

So, this past week, it felt like I took a few steps back, especially with how I feel about myself and the place I am at the moment. If you have read my past posts, especially the ones at the beginning, you will see, or should I say sense my “unhappiness” with the phase I am currently.

Anyway, a few days ago, my dearest Mr.X asked me for the name of a particular preacher. He tried describing her, but he wasn’t doing the greatest job. So, aproko (what’s the English word for aproko? Please write in the comment section if you know!🙀) that I am, I asked that he send a screen shot to me, and I will tell him the person’s name. He sent this woman’s picture, and told me he had just listened to some things she said, but didn’t go into detail. His flight was about to take off, so I decided not to press or push. I still wanted my time for a little mushiness.😜 Before mushy mushy talked started, he asked me if I listen to her, because she had great things to say. I said I do sometimes, and will keep listening.

Little did I know! I had a screenshot of her  while preaching her sermon right? So it wasn’t hard for me to find this sermon! Gosh! I shouldn’t have gone looking! 😳However, I simply wanted to know what my very own Mr.X had heard! Awake at 1 a.m feeding baby X, I decided to watch this video. Choi! Wrongest move! The video left me in tears! I could not sleep, I was so upset and let down, I left the bedroom, took my journal and Bible to the living room, and started writing, praying, thinking, vexing, crying,… what else did I, or didn’t I do?!😢😌😩😤

You know the way you feel when a sore is beginning to heal, and then you rip the bandaid off rather fast, that’s how I felt! How could I be called a colossal disgrace and a total failure because I am a housewife?🙀😱😿🙆🏽 Choi!!! Temi ba mi! ( my own has caught me! Oops… that doesn’t make sense. The repercussions of my actions are now showing). Regret for choices I had made over the past few years started rolling in all over again. I felt terribly heavy.

Thank God for mentors, moms, sisters and amazing sisters in-law. I was reminded that this is just a season in my life, that I am not a lazy person simply sitting, waiting for someone to cater to all my needs. I was reminded that I am in God’s will for my life, and he who has led me this far, will keep doing so. I was also reminded that Pastors are also human. They will not always preach from God’s word, they may not always listen to God’s heart before speaking, and even if they do, their passion might make them spew some extras that they were not led to say.

For the most part, I agree with what mummy said though. I agree that being a  fulltime house wife can be a recipe for suffering. If you don’t have a man that appreciates all you are doing, by giving things up for the good of the family, you are on your own o. The suffering ehn, hmmm. No comment!🤦🏼‍♀️

I agree that you should not be solely dependent on one person. See ehn, the insults you might chop from time to time, nobody will beg you to put pen to paper and start planning the course of your own life.

I however do not agree, and I reject the notion that I am a disgrace and a failure because I cannot provide financially at the moment. I do quite a lot though. I am in every committee in little Madam’s school (sue me! 🙄🙄 I need to know what’s going on!) I cook, clean, take care of baby x all day and all night, take care of little madam, take her to school, pick her up, homeschool after, talk to her to figure where her head is, sort out laundry, run errands, work on my business plans, make Madam’s hair, do some online courses, listen to podcasts, read up when I can, ensure my house is tidy and welcoming for Mr.X when he returns, ensure that Mr.X’s mind is at rest that things are running well at home when he isn’t around. I know there are things I am missing out o. I know I do a lot. Even if I don’t hear it from those around me, I know I am making myself very useful. I know that as I work now for the next season, I will not always have this time with little madam and baby X especially. I choose not to use this time in sadness and deep anxiety. I choose to bring the best of me to the table, I choose to be happy, I choose to be a blessing, and I refuse to be a disgrace!

At the moment, I am a housewife, and I am proud!👩🏽‍🍳👩🏽‍⚕️👷🏽👩🏽‍🏫👩🏽‍🔧👩‍✈️👸🏽🏃🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️. Patiently, with zeal, purpose and anticipation, I wait for my next season to unfold! I am work in progress, I am amazing!.🏅🏆