Excuse ma, I am not a collossal disgrace.

Hi my people of life! (Meaning hello my dearest people!😜) How have you all been? It’s been a minute! Please don’t mind me. Mr.X was out of town, so it was just me with Baby X and Babylette X a.k.a little madam. (Tough, I must tell you.πŸ˜…)

Did I tell you I am currently taking a course called IMMERSE? It is truly helping me on this journey to rediscovering me. It has been so eye opening, has left me a bit vulnerable, but it has been so much fun, and uplifting too! I look forward to the “ME” that emerges after I am done with this phase in my life.πŸ’ƒπŸ»πŸ˜ŽπŸ™πŸ½

So, this past week, it felt like I took a few steps back, especially with how I feel about myself and the place I am at the moment. If you have read my past posts, especially the ones at the beginning, you will see, or should I say sense my “unhappiness” with the phase I am currently.

Anyway, a few days ago, my dearest Mr.X asked me for the name of a particular preacher. He tried describing her, but he wasn’t doing the greatest job. So, aproko (what’s the English word for aproko? Please write in the comment section if you know!πŸ™€) that I am, I asked that he send a screen shot to me, and I will tell him the person’s name. He sent this woman’s picture, and told me he had just listened to some things she said, but didn’t go into detail. His flight was about to take off, so I decided not to press or push. I still wanted my time for a little mushiness.😜 Before mushy mushy talked started, he asked me if I listen to her, because she had great things to say. I said I do sometimes, and will keep listening.

Little did I know! I had a screenshot of her Β while preaching her sermon right? So it wasn’t hard for me to find this sermon! Gosh! I shouldn’t have gone looking! 😳However, I simply wanted to know what my very own Mr.X had heard! Awake at 1 a.m feeding baby X, I decided to watch this video. Choi! Wrongest move! The video left me in tears! I could not sleep, I was so upset and let down, I left the bedroom, took my journal and Bible to the living room, and started writing, praying, thinking, vexing, crying,… what else did I, or didn’t I do?!😒😌😩😀

You know the way you feel when a sore is beginning to heal, and then you rip the bandaid off rather fast, that’s how I felt! How could I be called a colossal disgrace and a total failure because I am a housewife?πŸ™€πŸ˜±πŸ˜ΏπŸ™†πŸ½ Choi!!! Temi ba mi! ( my own has caught me! Oops… that doesn’t make sense. The repercussions of my actions are now showing). Regret for choices I had made over the past few years started rolling in all over again. I felt terribly heavy.

Thank God for mentors, moms, sisters and amazing sisters in-law. I was reminded that this is just a season in my life, that I am not a lazy person simply sitting, waiting for someone to cater to all my needs. I was reminded that I am in God’s will for my life, and he who has led me this far, will keep doing so. I was also reminded that Pastors are also human. They will not always preach from God’s word, they may not always listen to God’s heart before speaking, and even if they do, their passion might make them spew some extras that they were not led to say.

For the most part, I agree with what mummy said though. I agree that being a Β fulltime house wife can be a recipe for suffering. If you don’t have a man that appreciates all you are doing, by giving things up for the good of the family, you are on your own o. The suffering ehn, hmmm. No comment!πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

I agree that you should not be solely dependent on one person. See ehn, the insults you might chop from time to time, nobody will beg you to put pen to paper and start planning the course of your own life.

I however do not agree, and I reject the notion that I am a disgrace and a failure because I cannot provide financially at the moment. I do quite a lot though. I am in every committee in little Madam’s school (sue me! πŸ™„πŸ™„ I need to know what’s going on!) I cook, clean, take care of baby x all day and all night, take care of little madam, take her to school, pick her up, homeschool after, talk to her to figure where her head is, sort out laundry, run errands, work on my business plans, make Madam’s hair, do some online courses, listen to podcasts, read up when I can, ensure my house is tidy and welcoming for Mr.X when he returns, ensure that Mr.X’s mind is at rest that things are running well at home when he isn’t around. I know there are things I am missing out o. I know I do a lot. Even if I don’t hear it from those around me, I know I am making myself very useful. I know that as I work now for the next season, I will not always have this time with little madam and baby X especially. I choose not to use this time in sadness and deep anxiety. I choose to bring the best of me to the table, I choose to be happy, I choose to be a blessing, and I refuse to be a disgrace!

At the moment, I am a housewife, and I am proud!πŸ‘©πŸ½β€πŸ³πŸ‘©πŸ½β€βš•οΈπŸ‘·πŸ½πŸ‘©πŸ½β€πŸ«πŸ‘©πŸ½β€πŸ”§πŸ‘©β€βœˆοΈπŸ‘ΈπŸ½πŸƒπŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ•΅πŸ½β€β™€οΈ. Patiently, with zeal, purpose and anticipation, I wait for my next season to unfold! I am work in progress, I am amazing!.πŸ…πŸ†

10 thoughts on “Excuse ma, I am not a collossal disgrace.”

  1. You do A LOT. A WHOLE LOT. Love the ending note on times and seasons! Completely agree! And what is this Immerse course?

  2. I love this! Being a full time housewife is a lot of work! I’ve been there and done that… and I agree with you that there are times and seasons in everyone’s life. Enjoy every season you are in and be unapologetic regarding it. Lovely write up

    1. Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment sis! Thank you for walking this journey with me. I appreciate you. God bless you now and always.

  3. When we listen to preachers, we need to (with the help of the Holy Spirit) filter through stuff, take what’s meant for us and leave the rest. Your sisters-in-law and the rest of your support system are pretty right. God bless them! Sometimes, preachers speak from personal sentiments.
    Just know that in this season, you are where God wants you to be and you do contribute your share to building your home. God bless you for all you do,babe! πŸ˜™πŸ˜™β€β€β€

    1. Thank you so much Ms.A! God is surely teaching me about times and seasons. I truly appreciate your kind words. Thank you so much sis. God bless you for me. xxx

  4. Financial support for the family is one thing (and yes, a very important thing). But the price tag for turning a house into a home, for raising God-fearing children, for nurturing them, teaching them right from wrong, guiding them through the world, attending to their (never-ending) wants and needs, spending countless nights worried whether you’re doing enough / too much, for looking after your husband, attending to his(never-ending) wants and needs, making sure there is order in the household – and not to mention, cooking the way you cook – girl, listen to me: There. Is. No. Price. Tag. Show me a woman who can do what you do. There are not many. It’s not what you would have chosen for yourself right now, and it won’t always be like this, but trust that you are doing God’s work. Blossoming where you are planted. That’s all He asks of us. And He will surely fulfill your hearts desire. Your talents are not going to waste!

  5. I have heard so much about this video but I have chosen not to watch it. I keep saying it, God works with seasons. More important than the season is your posture while you go through your seasons. You are definitely not a colossal disgrace.

  6. Mrs X, Jess has said it all. When she listed what we seasonal homemakers do, mehn, me sef I patted myself on the back and was like, babe, iyi e po! So my darling Mrs X, iyi e po (you are worthy…you know this sounds akward cos its only God we tell that He is worthy😁😁)
    I listened to the message too. Great advice, faulty delivery! Money isn’t everything. Our work like Jess said does not have a price tag on it. We are constantly on call to stir the ship of our homes in the right direction so if nobody hails us, biko we hail ourselves.
    I celebrate you mama because I still dont know how you do all you do honestly!
    May God help us all.❀❀❀

  7. Personally I’m not a fan of the preacher in question,I just don’t feel right about how she preaches. Being a housewife is a full time job unfortunately most women don’t get paid for Alllllllllllll the work we do hmmmm maybe there should be an aluta/protest to be on a payroll of some sort. It is well Mrs. X no condition is permanent, keep up the good work. God bless you

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