Why exactly do I even have to talk about me? Do I really have to? Aaarrggghhh….
Do you know the feeling you get when you simply don’t want to look into the mirror because you believe you won’t like what you see? (I know some of you have never felt this way, and I am envious of, and so happy for you!) Anyway, for those of you who can relate, this is how I have felt for the past six years.
To help lift off the veil from the mirror very very slowly, I will start with who I was before my “mirror phobia”, who I feel I am at the moment, and who I would love to be.
I used to be a keen God lover and an earnest God chaser. You know those girls in Uni who could pray for hours, quietly listening for God’s voice while staring up at the stars? Yep, that was me! I was deeply in love with my heavenly father. Apart from being a God lover, I was a business owner, head of a student body, worshipper, part of my church’s youth leadership, brilliant student,and I think I was quite beautiful too! I had dreams of becoming a philanthropist, a devoted mom, and a wife whom her husband respected and completely adored.
Let me tell you who I feel I am at the moment. Without lifting the veil off the mirror more than an inch, I feel I have let my heavenly father down in every way possible! I think of myself as a fat, mostly unhappy, stay-at-home mom, who has lived in five states and three countries in the past seven years. (Trust me, I have now become an expert at not being too comfortable in one location because I will end up moving anyway…)
As for whom I would like to be, let’s just say I want to be that girl that makes her heavenly father smile…
So, people, till I find me, just call me Mrs X.